fear

I had someone once ask me what my biggest fear was and at first I didn’t know how to answer that question. how to answer a question so wide ranged and so serious. but he wanted to know the frivolous things about me ( I don’t consider this such a trivial thing but that’s beside the point ).

I first wanted to say monkeys. because honestly, they sort of freak me out because its like we are similar but you could still rip my head off or eat me or something like that. but I decided maybe he wanted a more serious real deal answer.

so I wanted to say burning alive or just burning in general. I’d rather get shot 47 times then have my leg burned off. but yet again, I decided might as well give him a really serious answer.

I ended up saying being lost. and I didn’t expect myself to say that but I did. but I meant more than getting lost in the woods or not being able to find your mom in Walmart. being physically lost is scary; being mentally lost is terrifying. loosing myself is the real fear. I don’t want to wake up one day when I’m 43 and realize I lost who I truly was back when I was 22. I don’t want to live one moment in this lifetime not being me or who I’m truly destined to be.

I can’t live to everyone’s standards nor do I plan too. I can’t be perfect. but I can be the perfect form of me. your words won’t hurt me and your comments will continue to roll right off my shoulders because my head is held high.

I’m scared one day the world will break me. scared it will make me forget who I am.

fears can stop you from so many things. so many risks you aren’t willing to take. but risks are there to take them. and everyone should start diving into their fears headfirst just to push them away after all.

its a scary thing to be telling the internet things I don’t even say in person. but why the hell why I say.

because eventually you’ll stop being scared of whatever it is.

just as I’ll eventually stop being afraid of monkeys.

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